Welcome to the truth teller.
Are you ready for the truth? Hoping you are, because truthfully I am not!
The truth is..
I never feel ready. Let me shed some extra light here to make a little more sense of what I mean by this.
I am portrayed by many as a doer—a real go-getter. It seems I don’t walk but run, nor leap but jump, without a care in the world for the impact of how it will all land. It's perceived that everything I’ve ever tried, created, shared, achieved, or even failed at is done with ease. But all of this is so very far from the truth.
You see, I created this Substack account more than a year ago, and it has successfully been sitting here doing sweet F.A., thanks to my well-known pattern of never feeling ready. Even while writing this entry, I don’t feel an ounce of readiness to hit the publish button. Not now, not after hitting post—I still don’t, and I won't ever feel ready.
There are many other examples beyond this Substack—bigger ones—where I was never ready and still don’t feel ready. For instance, being a mother. I was never ready for it, and I’m still not ready. Yet, I know that once a parent, always a parent, until the day I die.
I’ll be honest: this “never ready” feeling is a constant. It’s always with me, mixed with a few other contributors to the never-ready melting pot. Here’s the most popular one that seems to show up the most: my Ponder Paralysis. I’m always questioning, analyzing, or self-sabotaging what I’m about to do or what I’m doing, which causes such paralysis that I either take forever to get going, retreat, or shy away completely. I create any other excuse, other than acknowledging it’s my own self-doubt. Trust me, just writing this one essay has not taken days, but weeks!
Strangely enough, though, I know I have the ability to move through my unreadiness. Had I not, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be doing this, and let’s not forget, I’m still a mother to my girls (I haven’t “yet” run away, mind you—many a time, the thought crosses my mind, lol). But it all comes with a challenge, a struggle, a battle—all happening within.
So be aware: what you’re going to read or witness here at “The Truth Teller” is not going to come easy. There will be truths told about myself, my life (past and present), plus other personal truths that I’m never going to feel ready to share. And I’m sure there may even be a few regrets here and there—who knows?
All I know is that I am here. I’ve somehow hit the button. I’m being vulnerable and open, doing something that I’ve wanted to do for a really long time but never felt ready (still don’t feel ready—scared as all heck!). So maybe you can be ready for me. Here it is... Are you ready for the truth?
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